Fandom and Fangirling

(side note. Yes, I know I missed a few days again. Life happens.)

Fangirl life is so much better than regular life.

I cannot tell you how many times someone has made fun of me for being so invested in whatever fandom I'm into at the moment. People roll their eyes and scoff at me when I go off on a tangent about Star Wars and how Han shooting first means that his character development means so much more because he starts as a scoundrel and turns into a good man over the course of the movies. People stop listening when I bring up the blog entry I've read where someone rewrote the last Star Wars movie and made it better (the same blog entry that is responsible for my boyfriend and I dating because it was the first thing we talked about).

Yes, there are times when it may seem silly that I'm talking to characters on the TV or in a book. I get that. Sometimes I laugh at myself...especially when I have a particularly ridiculous outburst at a show (for example, last week I got up and walked away after the end of the Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. episode). And sometimes I forget that my apartment is located in the first floor lobby of my building as opposed to the basement (like it was last year) and that residents can hear me when I shout at the TV during particularly stressful parts of episodes.

But being a fangirl and being in different fandoms is so much a part of who I am that I could never give it up.

I have been a nerd for as long as I can remember. I was into Star Wars at an early age...and not just the movies. I read all of the books, I looked up everything I could online. I even had an account on the Star Wars kids website that existed. When I would use the computer, I would check out the Star Wars website first and spend hours reading everything I could about it. Then later it became Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter...and now I'm in so many fandoms that we would be here for a long time if I attempted to list all of them.

When I was feeling very down about my life a few years ago, I ended up doing nothing but watch Doctor Who and play Assassin's Creed for an entire summer. And while I spent much of that summer hurting emotionally, I knew that at the end of each day I had The Doctor to help remind me that there is some good left in this world. I had the story of Ezio Auditore fighting for what was right in a world that did nothing but make life hard for those who refused to compromise their morals.

Being in these fandoms saved me. They helped to pull me out of the very sad state I found myself in.

I know I'm not the only person who has such ties to fandom. Tumblr is proof that I am not alone. Nerdfighteria is proof that I'm not alone. It's not a coincidence that the friends I have are all people who are in various fandoms...who GET what it means to actually be in a fandom. I remember being at my first nerdfighter gathering and sitting there talking to people about all sorts of different nerdy topics...debating Doctor Who and Star Trek...and feeling like this was a group of people where I belonged.

Feeling like I belong is a concept I've struggled with my entire life...due to my quirky personality and my fangirl nature, not many people understand how my brain functions when it gets into fangirl mode. Sure, I have my professional side to my personality. There is a time and place for fangirling, and I understand that. But...my closest friends get my fandom side. To this day, Allie and I still call each other by the Jedi nicknames we made up when we were 12.

And I love every. Single. Second.

So when I have nights like tonight where I watch an episode of a show and start texting friends madly while watching it so we can all pass theories back and forth and talk about what's happening...it's not a sign that I'm weird or that I can't contain myself. It's a sign that I am remembering that there is a community where I feel like I belong. And my friends have made it that way for years.