It Hurts Because It Mattered

I know I have shared the story about my mother before. So please forgive me for bringing it up again, but it's the most pertinent thing on my mind today.

Yesterday it was 11 years since she died.

I took the day for myself. Beyond a few Facebook posts about it, I was pretty much absent from social media yesterday. I took the day off of work. I really tried to disconnect from the world so I could deal with my feelings in a private manner.

Because as happens every year, my feelings involved a lot of crying. Which is something I highly dislike doing, yet is something I find myself doing far more often than I'd like.

I've been told several times over the past few days that I'm a blue....in the True Colors personality sense of the word. And it's true.

But you know what? In the words of John Green...it hurts because it mattered.

This time of year always brings with it much self-reflection and a lot of me wondering what Mom would say if she was here. She'd be proud of me...enough people have told me that, so I've started believing it.

There are days where I really miss her and wish I could go to her for advice and help. Not a day goes by where I don't think about her in some capacity.

She's my mom. My mommy. And not having her cuts like a knife sometimes.

But life goes on. The days pass, the weeks pass, months...years. And now, a decade.

It hurts because it mattered. She was...and still is...one of the most important people in my life. I will always love her and always remember her.

I love you so much, Mom.