A Window to the Past

Family is one of those things that you can never change. You're born into your family...you don't choose them.

But I would choose mine. Every. Single. Time.

These past few days have been tough. It's great to see everyone in the family...but the circumstances were not the best. But it made for a good time to think about all of the good things that happened and to remember happier times. Remembering that Grandad would have given me SO much crap about my short hair that I have now...it would have been an entire conversation, and then would have been brought up every time I saw him. Talking about how Grandad had the wittiest things to say to everything.

There was a moment tonight where everyone who was still in town was in the living room at my uncle's house and we all did a toast to Grandad. In that moment I knew I was surrounded by people who love me no matter what.

I spent a lot of time talking to my youngest cousin today. I say youngest...but she's 18 now. And in college. Which makes me feel pretty old, to be honest...but in a good way. I enjoyed talking to her and hearing about her life and what's going on. I like that we've all finally reached ages where we can all talk candidly with each other...no more thinking "oh that's not something we can talk about." I'm starting to get how my older cousins felt last year at Aunt Kathy's funeral when we all stayed up until 2 talking.

The biggest thing that happened tonight though...was when Uncle Jim handed me a photo album. In this album are pictures of Mom. Some of these pictures I have never seen before...and to see them is amazing. I can't go ask Mom about her life growing up or what happened in her childhood...but these pictures? They're helping to tell a story that I know nothing about.

And I'm starting to get why everyone says I'm a splitting image of my mother.

There are pictures from my Mom's 21st birthday in here. A picture of her in a girl scout uniform at the age of 11. Pictures of her in my Aunt's wedding. So many pictures from different Christmas celebrations. Pictures of her holding various cousins when they were babies. A picture of what must have been her and Dad's wedding shower. School photos, pictures with her siblings...and finally some pictures I recognize because they're hanging in the basement of my house. Pictures of Mom holding me as a baby....

I am so appreciative to my uncle for giving me this album. In the span of the past few hours as I have stared at these pictures I feel so much closer to Mom, if that's even possible. I miss her every day of my life...so these pictures are priceless. They're a window into the past...and while small, tell a story of a woman I love and miss every day of my life.

 That baby is me!

“You don't make a photograph just with a camera. You bring to the act of photography all the pictures you have seen, the books you have read, the music you have heard, the people you have loved.”
― Ansel Adams